Having conflicts between team members is common. It does not have to be a big issue if you know how to take care of the problem. So your teams can function effectively, try working things out in a positive way.
The steps to do this are fairly simple. You just need the understanding and the desire to make it happen.
Go to the other person quickly
The quicker you take care of a problem, the easier it is to fix. If you do not do anything, the problem will grow, become more tense and difficult to fix. Before you approach someone, ensure you are clear on what you think.
Remember, your goal is to improve things, not to place blame or prove you are right. Try to clarify the situation, express what bothers you, take responsibility, listen, have a solution in mind and be able to let it go if it does not go your way.
This is not easy to do since it requires you to put your emotions aside to help the team.
Go to the other person quietly
If you go directly and privately to the other person, you can keep the problem contained. If you complain to people not involved, you are just making the problem bigger than it needs to be.
Clarify the situation
At this point, you need to see the other person’s point of view. You are not trying to solve anything yet. The other person may think differently about the problem than you do.
They may not even think there is a problem. Use open-ended questions to clarify the facts. Ask questions like these, “How do you see the situation?” or “This is how I see it, do you think that’s accurate?”
Find a goal
Now you can ask questions like, “What do you need from this situation?” or “What result do you want?” Then follow up with “Why is that important to you?” These questions will help you determine priorities about what needs to get done.
Speak from your point of view
Speak with statements using “I” instead of “you.” This will allow you to give your thoughts without placing blame and making the other person defensive. Start with a description of how you see the events or how it makes you feel then end with why it affects you.
For example say, “Hey, Mark, I don’t like it when people call me names and threaten me. I am starting to get angry. I did not know that doing our task this way was such a big concern. Can we work this out?” An “I” statement may not solve the problem, but it can help see things from a different view.
Listen to the other person’s point of view
Ask open-ended questions and show you are listening by repeating their answers back to them. For instance, you could ask, “This is what I heard you say. Is this accurate?” This invites conversation and cooperation.
If you find something where you agree, acknowledge it by saying, “That’s what I think too” or “That’s what I feel.” Even if you think or feel differently, still acknowledge them by saying, “Given the situation, I can see why you would feel that way.” Everyone’s ideas and emotions are important and you need to respect that by acknowledging them.
Be cooperative when working out problems
Your goal is to find a solution that is good for all people concerned. It is also important to focus only on the problem, not the individuals involved. If you make attacking statements like, “You don’t have a clue; we should do it like this,” or “You always think you are right and you are to blame” then the other person may become defensive and shut down.
Try to stay calm and not get emotional. Shouting at each other only makes the situation worse. You can try trade-offs or look at alternatives. One cooperative style is to say, “I’ll do this for you, if you do this for me.” Use compromise so everyone gets a little, sacrifices a little and a cooperative relationship is built.
If you are not making headway, go to your supervisor
Sometimes you may not be able to resolve the conflict on your own. In this case, you may need a third party to help resolve the issues. Your chain of command is the proper place to go and it begins with your supervisor.
We are unique people with valid thoughts and opinions; replace the “I’m right, you’re wrong” attitude with a team solution. Teamwork is essential and it takes each person’s involvement to reach mission success.